Trusting

I typically don’t post details about my personal life so this blog post is going to be something totally different

Only the readers that know me personally know that in July I was diagnosed with Stage IV pancreatic cancer that had metastasized to the liver. It came as a total shock as I wasn’t even sick. The mass on my pancreas was found during a CT scan to check for something else. The morning before I went in for the scan I walked 3 miles.

Yeah, when you talk about cancer this is one of the “bad kinds”; but I guess there really isn’t any good kind, as I’m sure anyone who is fighting the big “C” will tell you.

On July 12th my husband and I were discussing our retirement plans and the next day I got the call from my doctor with the devastating news. My PCP immediately set up an appointment (that day) for me with an oncologist. Then began the series of tests, biopsies, and scans that would confirm the diagnosis on 7/27/2020. On 7/30 I’m in surgery for a chemo port and on 8/3 I began my first round (of 12 rounds) of chemo. I just completed my 5th round on 9/28. One of the blessings from God during these treatments is that my counts have stayed relatively normal.

Like many things in life, I didn’t see this coming. And it wasn’t something I ever planned to deal with. And like many who go through this battle I do not know what the outcome will be. I am told with this type of cancer, even if it goes into remission, will come back, but I know ultimately God will have the final say and I know there are prayer warriors all over the USA flooding the throne of God with prayers on my behalf. Prayers that I will be healed of this cancer that has invaded my body.

Of course I want to live to see my grandchildren grow up, to spend retirement days with my beloved husband, just to have more time here. I also know that ultimately the outcome will be in God’s hands. And no matter what, God is good all the time, and all the time God is good.

I have no doubt that God can physically heal me of this. I am trying to put my trust in Him no matter the outcome. And there are some days when I am able to do that, but there are also days when I feel fear and doubt creep in. But God has shown up in so many ways and places on this journey, I know I must trust in Him. What can I do but trust? I know He will be with me every step of the way.

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